He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
