A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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