Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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