You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
