im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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