i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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