i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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