One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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