I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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