WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
