Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
