Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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