He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
