they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
