I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
