So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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