i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
