Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You can't motorboat a personality
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
