and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize