Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
