im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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