the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
