some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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