Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
