So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize