I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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