I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
