i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
