If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
