this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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