I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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