I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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