Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
