Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
