I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
where are my eyebrows?
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