if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wish there were birth control emojis
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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