For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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