Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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