i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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