DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We need to get me chipped asap
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
