There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
