OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
