The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize