evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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