the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize