I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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