your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
my liver is dry heaving
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize