I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need moral support for this bender
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
