Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
