I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
