I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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