Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
