Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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