my room smells like sperm. sweet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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