You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
