We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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