you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
