it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
