with your own penis?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
