I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
