Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Welp...herpes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
