When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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