Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Text me some of your sweat
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
