oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
